so near yet so far

i can really feel the stress of O levels now.
and the ironic thing is, the more stressed i feel, the less my motivation for studying gets.
i did extremely horrible for the prelims.
can't even get the L1R4 for poly.
what more about mass comm.

life has been qute down for me lately.
i keep feeling this pang of lonliness every now and then.
even when im in big groups, sometime i just feel lonely.
but i know with God, i'll never be lonely.

sometimes, i dun understand why people just can't be contented with what they have or what they get. they go around being so happy about it, but at the same time complain about it. but the thing is, they never think of those around them who were less unfortunate. and whatmore, they are so insensitive.

truthfully speaking, i did not speak much about my prelim results. cause there's nothing to speak about. i studied, i took the paper, i got the results. that is that. No use crying over spilt milk. there were times that when i got back my papers i so wanted to cry, but there was no use crying since what is done is done. i just have to work my butt of like nobody's business.

some people, as i have said before, gotta think of others before themselves. they gotta think before they talk and look who is around them. they never know who's feeling they're gonna hurt.

yes, when u get something u wanted, it's great to go and share your happiness with the people around you, but there's a time to stop.

O levels is taking it's toll on me, my body, my brain.
and plus the things which are gg on in my life now,
it's really just so emotionally draining.

it's like, i dun wanna finish the race.
i just wanna stop running and turn back.
it's so tiring.

but whenever i have made the decision to give up,
God always sends people to speak into my life, to just talk to me, to just encourage me, to show me care and concern, to love me. and together, they run the race with me.
God is just so great.

It's just 6 more weeks.
God, it's your love that keeps me hanging on.
And i'll keep holding on to You and to Your love.

Anyways..
to desmond and keith and people take their Ns! all the best guys and do well to glorify God's name!

Light Up the Sky

took about 5 tries before we finally got that picture.
before that, the wind kept blowing the fire out. hahas.

anyways..
slept at 5 am yesterday.
was doing some stuff lahs.
had a short quarrell with my mom this morning cause she didn't want me to go church.
so i prayed to God before i got out of bed to go bathe and by the grace of God, i was bale to go and i didn't even have to say anything. whee (:

as i wussen feeling very well so took a cab down to centrepoint.
i was so tired that i almost went down the up escalator.
studied at macs awhile den huitian and chantel came den headed to nexus.
service was rocking as usual.
lunch and den mark and spencers for studying.

went back to meridien for awhile den slacked until 7.
den yining and rach accompanied to wait for 162.
home and den dinner.
im gonna study at 9am at library tomorrow.
yep.

anyways.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JARED HAN YEONG DENG!

Love Story

Love Story by Katherine McPhee is a very nice song!
Gave school a miss today and i studied at home before going to meet kar.
spent the day with her.
we headed to ti amo to have lunch and den to rach's house for PM.
after PM, she cabbed home with me to get some studd and we ended up in Jubilee's Mos studying. i studied a lot today! and saw keith's classmates and den saw keith. haahs. sent kar to Hub den went to meet rach, yining, heidi and gig for dinner.

dad came to pick me up and sent rach and heidi home too!
yep! service tomorrow! and mugging.
mugging is my life.
hahahahahahas..

untitled

hahas.
so anyways, went school today lahs.
and it was raining! so yay!

FnN passed super fast lahs.
I got C6. I want an A2!!
gna work extra hard.

recess and tucky told us a story.
i cudden stop laughing.

came home after school.
slept den went to the library to study and this wongyeshen jumped out to greet me. hahas. i was so cold and wet and he was nice enough to help me stuff my umbrella in the plastic bag thing. met juishsin, lup chiong and tingbong there. chatted with them den shuwen came. studied den went to eat with keith, rach and shuwen. yup. so tt's bout it.

Deyi Life coming to an end.
Got this off louisa's blog: Can't wait but can't bear to leave.

love makes the world go round.

no school for me today.
had tuition and den met rachel.
really treasure the times we spend together and especially today.
we can talk about the same things over and over again but everytime with new and more positive perspectives.

and i almost teared while talking to her just now cause i was really touched by the things she said that really encouraged me to not give up but to keep holding on.i feel like that child like faith is coming back. thanks rachel.

something she said struck me hard.
God is unfair at times.
but His unfairness is a blessing in disguise.
I used to question Him on why He made me this size and made me go through all the troubles of insecurity and when i get made fun of are the times when i blamed God.
But rach made me realise that through all this, i saw who my through friends were. those who stuck up for me and accepted me and loved me the way I am. Not only in church, but in school as well. I mean, God is the best lah, for blessing me with brothers and sisters like kar, deng, keith, yining and of course with rachel. She's more like a friend than a shepherd.

God, I'm speechless.
Thanks for everything God.
You're just too good to be true.

And rachel, i can't wait for another night like this.

CG at my house tomorrow!

down in the dumps

maybe it's just PMS but i was feeling so down yesterday.
the whole day.
i was just so full of emotions.

so when i came home, i bathed and slept.
i was kinda affected by some stuff yesterday.
and i felt kind of insignificant.
but, yea.

anyways...
i failed both my maths and chem so far.
got back english paper 1 and barely passed.
and i got 50 for my chinese overall.
shit man. results are horrible.
have no clue what im doing with my life.
guess it's time to shut myself at home and study.
too many days studying out has been no good for me.

yeps.
so tuition later.
and meeting some of them for lantern festival! yep.
ciao~

at the crossroads.

long post ahead i think.
got loadds of thing to blog about.

so there's some major decisions that i have to make in my life right now.
only rach knows.
im really at the crossroads now.
but it's not as major as the one that will come in 3 years time.
when the time comes, it will come.
but right now..
i have no idea what to do.
but i gotta be optimistic i guess.

Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

yep. so second thing.

i guess for the past few weeks God has been telling me and most of us this.

and yesterday and today the word was confirmed.

to put God first in our lives.

as the songs go:

"I set my mind on You Lord, I choose You everytime

Focus my eyes on You Lord, and dedicate my life"

and

"You must be greater in me Oh Lord, let all the rest fade away"

Especially in times of exams, we still have to think about who we are studying for.

Put God first. He will never shortchange us.

Matthew 6:33 (New International Version)
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Let's continue to put Him first in everything we do.
Be it studies, going out with friends, talking and even playing.

Thirdly, I was reminded that I am living for Him and only Him
He deserves the highest praise.
I was just telling Tucky on thursday that the first thing my relatives say when they see me is "why am i still so fat?" or "when i'm going to lose weight?" or "michelle, don't eat?" i mean, it's really hurting. it's like, you get it enough from strangers you don't know when they can just look at me from head to toe and up from toe to head cause im obese. It hurts and i was crying this mornign on my way to service cause i couldn't take it anymore. But i realised, that God loves me the way I am and I'm accepted by this family of God and friends around me. But i still wanna lose weight to live a healthy life.

God, You've just been to so wonderful to me and I'm more than grateful for what you have done in my life. Keep working in my life and teach me how to be more like you everyday.

finally!

whee!!!
PRELIMS are officially over!

heee.
and im at macs blogging.
actually my plan was to come here and slack the whole day so i even cancelled my tuition.
but as i was packing my bag.. i stuffed all my AMATHS books inside so i wouldn't feel so guilty.

so anyways...
i think i won't do so well la but hopefully much better then mid-years.

english: most prob a B but hopefully an A2.
chinese: hopefull at least a C5.
Emaths: confirm fail.
Amaths: confirm fail but hopefully more than 30 marks.
FnN: hopefully a pass.
Combined Science: chem- pass and i'll be happy. physics- hopefully a B
Combined Humanities: both pass and i'll be happy.

wheeeeeeee.
okaes. i shall go eat now!!!
w00t!!!!

tomorrow!

last paper last paper and it's not even a written paper. hahas.
practical tomorrow!!! whee.

im happy lahs..
i can finally have a break from studying.
no more late nights and having to wake up early.
and i dun even have to wake up at 6 tomorrow!
whee!!!!!

i want macs breakfast!
whee!

almost.

i feel like kissing and hugging dearest.
cause dearest caused me to go to sleep and wake up with a smile on my face.

anyways...
wongyeshen!
thank you so so so so so so much for teaching me the digestive system at 1 am in the morning!

So i slept after i finished both my papers.
total sleeping time: 50 mins. hees
walked out with rach and linhui and i was feeling a bit crazy so i did some really stupid things. heees. came home, slept and den went for Kar's CG. totally changed my perspective of the st nicks' girls.

went to eat with kar, den to macs to slack awhile.
left for tuition with deng and tuition was BORING today cause we had a relief teacher.
went back to macs den just got home.

i can sleep early tonight!! woohoo!

study break!

funny and cute video i found.
for all you people who are in the midst of exams.

yepyep! im tiaking a study break now.
but i dun feel like gg back to studying.
too tired.

anyways.. my mom is cute lahs.
i recall that last month i spent a lot of time on FnN coursework.
everytime she asked what i was doing, i would say FnN.
so today, she comes into my room nd asks me what paper i say tomorrow.
I say FnN. and she goes: why you always do FnN? u wanna be a nutritionist?
i just laugh at her.

i just ate a lot of chocolate to keep my going for the night.
jiayou people!

food and nutrition

whee. hahas.
woke up at 950 when i was supposed to wake up at 930.
didn't set my alarm properly.

so rushed to bathe and leave the house so i could go study.
met rach for breakfast/lunch after her POA paper.
den we headed to study.
so slowly, ppl we knew started streaming in.
quite fruitful i shall say.
and yeshen is so sweet can??
he helped me de(something) my hard drive and changed settings which i dunno how to change. hahas. thanks wongyeshen! glad u liked the card.

alrights.. gta chiong 9 chapts of FnN now.
almost there!

God, Others, Me

to imagine, how selfish some people can be.
to only think of themselves and not others.
to only think that they are better then others.
to only think that since others are gonna do a task, to leave it to that person.

i understand that it's natural for human beings to think of themselves and be selfish. But there are limitations, unlike God, we have limitations. But as Christians, we have to be different. As the saying goes: We are in the World, Not of the World but Influencing the World.

When i found out some stuff, i really felt like tearing. To imagine that some of us are so tired but yet we put our tiredness away cause we love God. Don't you think it's unfair to us. We are in the same situation as you guys but why is it that we can still, despite our stress and tiredness, affors to take out time to serve Him.

I've been putting up with this for quite long. This thing that is going on, has affected me greatly and has almost cost me to give up my walk with God. It's time for things to change. It's time to learn to think of others before yourself.

It broke His heart, and therefore it broke mine.

yea. so anyways. i wasted my day away cause i was in no mood to study because of the fun i had yesterday. Fellowship Hangover. hahas. But since i got no paper tomorrow, I shall study from morning till night. Chiong FnN. yep.

anyways.. just wanna say:
Thank God for Chantel.
For giving her best for God, fot the unit and for the CG.
For putiting us above herself.
And despite her busyness, still makes time to have CG with us even when the attendance is all time low.

Chantel, we love you!

happy birthday hope!

yeps. anniversary service today.
and jovine came and dedicated her life to God! XD
and James Kang Pokemon said he was smiling at me when i went in front but i didn't see him.
hahas. but yay! GRADS GROUP still can grow the Kingdom!

Both services were equally great.
and the hope kids during te first service were so adorable! my heart melted!
second service didn't have but second service was very high cause gt more youths and we did human train and got high and lalalala.

took the shuttle bus back and actually wanted to chill with rach and kar and catch up on life. but ended up with most of the ex NEA2 and mervin, gideon, tiffany, linda, guozhang and triston. hahas. fellowshipped over food, crappd and i suggested to play HANDIPLAST!!! hahas. so missed my last bus and i slacked even more. cabbed home and im thankful that everyone reached home safely.

I love and adore this family of God.

so near yet so far.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WONGYESHEN!!!

ur loved be my you kukuhead. hahas.

T-MINUS one week to the end of prelims.

imma bit high now.
im being high on my own.
and im smiling to myself for no good reason.
and the thing is... i just spilt my whole dinner on the floor so now i'm dinner-less.
wow michelle, you're a real genius.
genius for the wrong reason as rainer says.

alrights.
things between me and my sis are hopefully okay already.
yay! i love her lah but u knw.. it's not natural for sisters not to fight.
hahahas.

Amaths paper ystday.
although im quite sure im gna fail but im very glad tt i did my best.
yay! i came home and slept for 2.5 hours. it was shiok man!
so up to date, i have slept only about 12 hours for the past week.

Yesterday:
after waking up.. rushed hdown to AMK macs to find DEBBIE PAULINE SIM YUQIAN! hahas.
so got there and didn't study but ended up walking around Hub.
hahas. den had mini fellowship with the girls and chantel shared something very close to my heart yesterday. Remain in God. yupyup. so after tt, slacked while.. did some revision and den left for tuition. w/o my bag and my pencil case number 2 in han yeongdeng's bag. was so tired in tuition yesterday, very hard to focus. yingjie too. and i got a bit crazy lahs. heee. im anti-benjamin. and albee and afiq are so irritating canns? they pulled up my hood while i was happily doing my work. boo! went to find the rest at macs, studied awhile and came home.

Today:
Maths 2 was HARDD!!! im gna fail both my maths. really gta buck up for O levels. and chem was doable. hopefully i can get a good pass. and HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN JEN! most of the class stayed back to celebrate for her. slacked awhile and had lunch in school. cabbed home with rach den we went to macs to study. few ppl today. so yada yada yada and now im home!

yayyay!!! hahahaas.
i know already! im high cause i had coffee just now.w00t! (so keith)

SO ANYWAYS...
most of you know abt my small pencil case right..
wo today we were studying and rachel came over to my table with all her stuff and then her pens were thrown all over the table because she doesn't have a pencil case. so i gave her my small pencil case. den i was a bit sad so i went to buy another 2 bottles of 100 plus and this type i got an ORANGE one!!! hahas. ain't that cool?

anyways.. i gotta go do some stuff before my tuition! yepps.
jiayous everyone! just 38 more days.
loves;

screw it. just screw it.

i was doing just fine.
and i was very calm.
but right now.. i dun wanna go on anymore.

screw the freaking Os and the freaking prelims okays.
im just so stressed and my family doesn't even seem to understand how hard it is for me.
they all think it's so easy to just say to me: do it tomorrow.
i dun even have the time to sleep.
i just need some understanding from them, is that too much to ask.
while they are sleeping, what am i doing?
i'm mugging my freaking butt off.
i've got no encouragements from them. nothing.
just nagging, nagging and more nagging.
just scream and shouting amd more complaints about me.

screw it la, i just cant take anymore of this.
no one, not anybody will understand the pain and anger im feeling right now.

official start of prelims.

im so sleepy now.
im gna use the keith technique and sleep until 930 plus.
den i'll wake up and eat, bath and den burn midnight oil for geog.

sweatshirt thing really gt me pissed.
but i so love my classmates for understanding and being so patient.
walked eith tingfong, rach, longlong, stanley and linhui to MRT station to send linhui off and i think her friend was intimidated by the big grp of us.

anyways.. both papers were alright. didn't manage to finish SBQ. but hopefully i scored well in my structured essay. lunched with rach at sumo and saw tt big head again. hahahas. makan den headed to macs to study, quite unfruitful lahs. left early to tbus stop with keith and wongyeshen. went to bishan and back and saw meiting on 88.

anyways..
wong yeshen is so irritating.
i try so hard to forget his birthday but he won't let me.
and i know he comes to my blog daily but he does not tag.
so wongyeshen, if there is any chance for you to get a present from me, you better TAG!!!!!

okaes.. geog tomorrow. followed by amaths tuition and den physics tuition.
jiayou everyone!!!

with loves.
and rainer is irritating. kept poking my leg when it was numb. roarrs.

T-MINUS 44 DAYS TO THE BIG FAT Os!

im sick.
sick sick sick sick sick!
and my prelims are on monday.
God.. you must heal me.
i can't afford to be sick now.

woke up late and i was supposed to wake up at 930 to go school and in the end i had not enough time for maths consultation. so... im possibly dead meat now. was trying to do some prelim papers and they were quite difficult. but prelims are usually harded den Os. so i just gta chiong for Os.

went for service and it was rockin'. missed my CG ton loadds.
and HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIEHAO!! hmms..
took a 1hr30min bus ride home.
and wen i got off the bus i saw sean chew. but i was so dazed cause i slept on the bus.
didn't have time to go back to school.
so came home, rested for about 2 hrs, bathed, dinner amd muggg.
muggg muggg muggg. my life is all about muggging now.
i just can't wait for the BIG FAT Os to be over.
rahness!!!

i need chocolate.

dearest.

minji is adorable lahs.
she sent me a friendster comment with a hamster.
she gave me my third hamster! hahas.

so stayed home and slept the whole day.
den left for PM and den to hub with kar, yining and rach.
den went to study.

anyways.. i got school toorrow at 10 am and den service! yays!
and tomorrow is liehao's bday!
wheee..
and next fri is yeshen's bday!
yay! hahahas.
lalalas//


mugmugmug!

a late night out

so firstly.... happy belated birthday to my favorite dude of all time. KEITH TIMOTHY LIN GUOZHONG aka XIAOHUA!

yesterday was supposed to meet kar for breakfast but she overslept. but it's okay cause we met up to go somerset together. so during meta, was at M&S mugging with other hoppies and saw some long time no see people.

had tuition and it was okay lahs but i was really tired. slacked with deng and rainer at macs before me and deng went to get stuff for keith's celebration. cabbed down to Braddell Heights CC and we celebrated keith's birthday at the KTV place with ex NEA2 core team. i miss them so much lahs.

so after everything, yining left and we went to macs to slack. until 130 den we left for home. slept very late.

woke up this morning for school and i was in school from 1130 to 5. and mr lee treated some of us drinks at the coffee shop.

i really really wanna score well for my prelims.
but at the same time, i wanna get my life back on track with God.
i've been so disconnected with the church and Him that i put other things above Him and not only have i disappointed others, i made them worry about me. and i was so disappointed in myself.

all i though about was myself. and the thing is, i think that i have the best life right now. I've got a great family who understands that i need to go church and they trust me. I'm blessed with great friends who never persecute me when i say i have church commitements. and even through all this, i still chose other things above God.

well, i know it's not going to be easy but i wanna learn again to put God first in my life cause He first chose us and He was the one who gave me all these great things.

Michelle is going to become Bliss, child of God.

the love came back.

crashed SL camp today.
had fun and got playful and hit ppl with water bombs.

so cabbed home and den went to meet yeshen and he helped me make my laptop go faster. hahas. he helped me slot in my ram card. lols. thank you wong yeshen! met up with kar and i really thank God for her and rach!

tuition and i was tired lahssss...
and afiq is not sexy.
i think my tuition mates are fun ppl! hahas.

tired.. meeting kar at 845 to study tomorrow!

serenaded on a saturday night.

hahas.
i got serenaded with the song jenny by my two mated tucky and rainer. hahas.
cute lahs.
the whole story is tt our plan was to meet at chongboon macs at 8 plus. den halfway through my dinner, i heard someone shout "(something which was not clear)" and den my phone rang and rainer asked me to look out my window. and there they were, tucky, rainer and shuwen. hahas. so went to study and stuff. and i just gt home.

so if some of you are wondering why i didn't go service today, well it's because of personal reasons. so yea.. but i doubt my mom will allow me to adults' service tomorrow.

anyways.. sausage's bday is tomorrow!!!! or in 43 mins. lols. and sorry luppy, i can't make it for ur celebration but hope you enjoy your day. you know we love you!!!

yepps.. and dearest... i still want my daisy!