turned off.

i miss my mom.
i might as well just admit myself into a hospital right now.

im so turned off by the lack of basic care and concern im getting from this family now with my mom back in the states.

it's like.. ever since my mom went back for a visit, i've been gettin non-stop naggings from my maid (who has been working for us for 5 years and for my extended family for almost 10), spoiling my sister and seeing less and less of my dad.

and now the worst part comes.
i'm supposed have dinner at home yesterday, but yesterday in school, my stomach was already feeling very unwell. and i came home, i told my maid tt my stomach's not well enough for me to eat and all her lectures about me calling back to home to confirm whether im eating or not and saying what i waste her time and blah blah blah. and she says my stomach is not well because i eat all the junk food and blah blah blah. and not even one word of concern.

and last night was prob the worst night of my life with me having to keep getting up to go to the toilet. and until now, my stomach still hurts. i slept at 845 and my dad came home (late as usual) and den he opend my door to check on me, and when i woke up and told him i was feeling lousy, he didn't say anyhing and just closed the door.

and so... today i woke up and it still felt like shit, i told my dad and he showed abit of concern like telling me not to anyhow eat and he just left. he didn't even know i wussen well enough to go school. he didn't even know that i didn't go school. so i ate my breakfast which was unfortunately 'ba zhang' cause if i didn't eat, my maid will nag again. and den i went back to sleep.

woke up, prepared to go out. maid asked me whether i'm coming home for dinner and i told her i was cause i had tuition. den she went on and on and on abt the eating thing. and den i STILL said that i'll eat dinner and she didn't prepare dinner for me. like... what the heck lahs.

come on lahs.. even my friends show concern for me.
im so turned off now.
and i miss mommy.
and i'm worried about mommy.
like... totally worried.

ahhh.... GOD!!!!!

all the way.

2 Timothy 4:7-8
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing."

this is what i want to say on my death bed.
i had a really major brekathrough today.
i prayed for hui hui who was having stomach pains.
I hesitated for one hour.

and during that one hour, i was reading articles on elizabeth choy.when she found out she was dying, this is what she said: "I'm 93, maybe God will take me home tomorrow. But I'm satisfied for I have fought a good fight, I have finished the course and I have kept the faith."at that moment, i felt so.. WOW-ed. and i was like: "God, is this verse for me?"

So den Mrs Ang continued with her english lesson and we were reading the newspaper and she randomnly talked about the obituary of the RJ guy who died, and there.. right in front of me on the obituary of the guy was that verse again. 2 Timothy 4:7. And I knew it was for me.

So I told hui hui about how i was sick, and den people prayed for me and i was healed. and den i hesitated a while more and said to her: "Seeing you in so much pain, i dun think there's much i can do for you, but do you mind if i pray for you?"and she allowed.and after that i had this sense of accomplishment.

but I only have God to thank.

and today my prayer is:
I WILL fight a good fight,
I WILL finish the race,
I WILL keep the faith.

schoooool.

sorry..
EMO post yesterday. hahas.
no lahs..

went to study today.
with desmond, shops, mervin, and shops friends-michelle and amanda.
they are nice people.

got chased out of macs so went to AMK hub mos.
quite fruitful lahs.
den we staretd talking and cudden stop.
den the guys left.
den the gals went to cut hair.
den kar came and i had to leave.

so anyways..
school's opening tomorrow.
i can see all my kuku classmates!
yay!!

and and and.. MICHELLE WILL STUDY VERY HARD FOR HER PRELIMS AND O LEVELS!!!
i rock!!

ciao!
and rainer has a blog!

misunderstood.

too many emotions.
i feel lost.

I LOVE MY SB!!!!

yepps. today is KARCHIAN'S BDAY!!!

and im horrible at giving surprises lahs.

but thanks job and james...

so we ate at pizza hut and den the 2 of us went to watch rachel eat before heading to ICA to make her IC. bussed to RC after that and i loved today's prayer meet. had the very 'family' feel. and ruiyong got taupoked... heeees.

so ate and study before heading to amk with seepeng, keith and deng. and later on kriss and rach joined us and we walked around doing dumb dumb dumb things. and den kriss and seepeng left and me, keith, deng and rach went to mos to drink soup. hees. was glad tt i was able to hangout with my alltime favorite people today.

and karrrrr... I LOVE YOU!!!!!

I MUGGED!

tomorrow is someone's special day... haaaaas.
and and and.. MICHELLE MUGGED TODAY!!!!!

okaes.. gta go do SOMETHING now!!!

sick sick sick.

bleahs... im so sick lahs.

im feeling even worse den i was feeling on sunday.

but i decided to go out and study later or else i'll just keep sleeping at home.

O Levels suck the life out of me.

im still sick luhs =(

and totally bored now.

morning had tuition and den went to meet rainer and minji.

went to j8 for lunch and to stock up on hamster stuff.

they den came to my house and helped me to move my hamsters into their new home.

watched tv, played audition and den dey left.

and i slept.

and im here now.

and.. im bored.

pooos.

for yesterday's pics, go to shops blog!!! heeees.

ciao!

caregroup!!!

so pissed cause there was no water in the whole block this morning as they were changing the water pipes or something.

so.. met up my cg at sakae and we ate and ate and ate until i cudden eat anymore. and we did alot of spastic things. lazy to post pics now but i'll post them soon. we den went to esplanade and camwhored!! it was so funny!!!! i love my CG alot alot alot.

had a fruiful talk with seepeng on the bus home and i really thank God for her.
love ya!!

i wanna get another hamster!!!

rah rah rah.

im so angry lahs.
so pissed.

it's a feeling i have not felt for a long time.
it's so unfair that i always have to be the one to give into people.
it really sucks okay?

and people always take advantage of this.
i was so pissed off by what happened today luh.

if SOMEONE can be emo, why can't i?
if SOMEONE can be VERY easy-going, why can't i?

yea yea.. dey say that life is never fair but come on!!!!
i've had enough of all this "being nice to others".

as rainer says: BLOAH!!!!

time for serious mugging.

today.. i MUGGED!!! haha.
video conferenced with rainer last night. so fun and i did spatic things.
met rach at amk today and den we cabbed down to grand cathay and we mugged.

after tt, went to find deng, yeshen and zhicai and had dinner.
and.. wongyeshen has become SPASTIC!!! OH NO!!!!!
met mervin on the way home.

anyways.. SAKAE TOMORROW!!!!
NED3 rocks!!

i zilian-ed on yeshen's phone!!

my cg!

happy fathers' day.

and michelle is sick sick sick sick sick.
was feeling flu-ish last night and as i was sleeping i kept feeling cold then hot then cold then hot.
woke up with fever this morning and i slept throughout the whole day.

anyways.. mugging session tomorrow. pray that it will be fruitful.

first frontier pics.

just wna thank a few people.
yuqian: thanks for being so honest and open with the group. im really looking forward o serving together with you in the days to come. thanks for sharing so many things to us and helpong us to become a more open group. NED3 will multiply!

seepeng:
really happy to see you once again by my side serving together with me. i missed you so much. really enjoyed the times we had just talking and talking in our bunks and just sharing all our joys and burden with each other. love you loadds!

huitian:
really happy to see you making more noise. u are someone i wanna get crazy with. and ur such a nice and humble sister. let's continue serving God together.

shioks:
SIAOCHARBO!!! hahahas. continue growing and growing and growing in God.

yining:
i really feel good talking to you and just being able to share my heart out with you. am really gna miss you alot but we are still serving the same God, revival in DEYI!!!!

rachel:
really glad that i am now able to relate to u as a friend and i enjoy the heartfelt conversations we had.

kkc:
u dunno how bad i felt when i wussen able to be there for you but thanks for accompanying me throughout the night and just talking and talking and talking. let's really grow together!!!!

the GAP team:
marcus, deng, ruiyong, chantel, kar, tian, pete, rach and tiffany, i really had a great time working with you guys and alot of fun everytime we had meetings. thank God for all your hardwork and i look forward to working with you guys again in the future.

in random order:

DEYI HOPPIES!!! i love this pic.

the picture says it all. NED.
yays! James Kang gave me a big spongebob keychain.
me and my sheepmate/CL debbie pauline sim yuqian.
the GAP team minus deng.
me and AHLONG!!! kudos to him for doing such a great job.
james kangggggg.
NORTHEAST!! with are niceee NE tees.
kangggkanggg again.

me,twangs and chiobu
me and kriss (:
NED3 = LOVE
NORTHEAST!!! but sadly w/o gideon.
yays!! wongyeshen!
me, deng and TALL rachel. really miss working with you guys.
yeohuiqi!

my meinu!
northeast won! and ruiying is aimlessly walking around with the prize.
my loves.
chiobu!

first day of camp.

heartwarming sight. seeing NE work together.

anxiously waiting for megaevent to start.

TAUPOK!!!!

first frontier.

i am back from camp.
this camp was a very divine one for me.
cause at first i was not very excited about the camp but when i stepped into the school on the first day i knew that God was gg to do something really great in me and it totally changed my attitude.

the past 4 days have been so great. being able to bond with my new cg, talk to my sheep and SB and other people with God in the centre of the conversations.

God has spoken many things to me during this camp. be it through the worship sessions, the sermons or through other people.

i really thank God for this camp and i'll post more when im less sleepy. time to chiong for confirmation.

100 for NE!!!!

three days to camp!

friday was a looooong day for me.
okays.. not tt long lahs.
had camp rehearsal and finalised half of the script.
den headed to america room for PM and den the last lesosn of WFL and gigi taught well.
had dinner and den back to istana park for rehearsals.
walked to PS with ruiyong, deng, rach and marcus and we sat in gelare for a long time finalising EVERYTHING!!! and we had a fun time there!!!

trained back to AMK without marcus and den me, rach and deng went to pasar malam and rachel made me walk past the CHOU TOUFU!!! =( hahas. bussed home and did camp stuff until 2am.

Met up with jocelyn this morning and den went to help out housekeeping. great service today. Lunched with my new CG memebers and den did my UA stuff. slacked and slacked and slacked and den trained to AMK with yining. came home and watched 200 pound beauty and i teared. it's so touching!!!!!!!

alrights.. off to do my QT now!

i slept at 4 am last night after watching repeats of CSI and CSI:MIAMI. i love CSI lahs.
woke up and met shops and seepeng to study which was so unproductive cause we were overwhelmed by the food. hahas.

den headed to RC with seepeng first and we slacked and chatted with YUQIAN before the rest one by one came and we helped to prepare the food. and we were cleaning away maggots. shall not elaborate. hahas. den CG was really fun although i was quite tired already due to my late night marathon.

I'm really gonna enjoy this unit alot and i really wanna play my part in growing them. not in numbers but in spirit. Not only do i wanna bring people in but i also wanna grow my sheep. Im in, are you?

wells.. LOOOOONG day tomorrow. after my tuition i shall get a good rest XD
ciao!

trust is the basis of all friendships.

I WENT OUT TODAY!!!! HAHAS! like finally
so anyways.. met kar at AMK MRT and i saw peishan and heng jie.
den we headed to PS to walk around den went to istana park for mega event planning.
it was fun.
rushed to nexus for WFL and had dinner with shiok, joecelyn and heidi after that.

had a very nice long talk with jocelyn on the train.
really proud of her and im very sure she's gna do great things for God.
jiayou pork!!

home now and mommy didn't scold me...
and and and.. NED UNIT CG TOMORROW!!! yays!

the power of the internet.

so.. as wongyeshen said, im careless.
apparently, i spilt water on my laptop.
and i've been panicking since last night.

but thanks to the internet...
hopefully my laptop will be dried out by tonight or tomorrow.
and if not.. i'll just go get it repaired.

so hopefully and prayerfully, my laptop will be okay.
but im mostly worried about my hard drive.
nevermind.. God will make a way.

mihelle is bored bored bored. and sleepy now.
because my DEAR SB and new sheepmater WOKE ME UP AT 945 AM ON A HOLIDAY MORNING!!!!! thanks huh koh kar chian!! never mind. i still love you....

anyways.. my new shepherd is CHANTEL. yays!!!!
but i'll still miss jalea.. oh wells.
BRING ON THE GIRL POWER!!!

get me out of this house!

a picture paints a thousand words.

overdue posts.

finally i got my butt up to post.
actually... i've been meaning to post everyday but just the thought of it makes me feel sianz.

so.. wednesday had school in the morning.
did titration and it was fun but i kept overshooting and rainer laughed at me.
had lunch at the coffee shop opp. school with rainer and den we bussed to town to get his memory card fixed.
pang seh-ed him (as usual) to go meet rach and yining at pizza hut for lunch.
den yeong deng came and we headed for BGR seminar.
It was a good, refreshing course for me and i learnt new stuffs too. the things that we learnt are very applicable as well.
trained home with shiok, keith, des, yk and mervin.
got home lateeee.

went to sentosa on thursday with NEA2. our last cg.
met heidi at NTUC first to get some stuffs den we went to meet the rest.
trained down to harbourfront and had a spastic trip there.
went to eat at the food court at harbourfront centrer and den headed for sentosa.
met some EAST brothers at vivo and they kindly helped us to buy tickets as the queue was quite long. monorail-ed down to sentosa and as we walked to siloso beach, it started to rain.
but we didn't let the rain dampen our mood. we played games until it stopped raining.
in conclusion.. the whole trip was free and easy and i enjoyed the day alot.
washed up and headed back to harbourfront centre for dinner, walked around vivo and den i took bus back with yining, keith and deng and we took pictures!!!!
got home lateeee again.

had my last shepherding with jalea on friday. at amk hub andersen's. im gna miss my shepherd!!
met kar chian and we walked around AMK HUB for 1 hour plus and spent alot of time in MINI TOONS getting farewell gifts and we bought alot of things and it added up to $50 so tt we could get the membership card. hahas. bussed down to RC for mega event meeting. had PM and den headed to macs with zionites. den me and my cg members went to bishan to meet louis and we hung around ther euntil about 9 or 10. bussed home and went to pasar malam and i saw loh lin hui!!! came home. and did farewell gifts until late although i cudden finish dem in the end. ( i still have not finished dem)

saturday had dental apptment and was late for service. but im glad i didn't miss out the sermon. it was a great one. had ZION farewell and had a nice time with the ZIONITES. am really gna miss this grp of people alotttt. esp my CG!!! had shepherds' meet after that and i loved the worship so much. it was just so... wow! helped chantel organise some stuff and den went to have lunch/dinner at meridien and den i cabbed home. i studied until 3am.

so today, i overslept. rushed out of the house and cabbed down to potong pasir to meet the rest. i enjoyed today's jamming. i was actually quite ministered by the second round worship. headed to macs and ate and den slacked and den i bussed home. slept and woke up and had tuition. i gt alor of photos to edit and upload but im only gna post a few.

well.. anyways... new restructure has taken place. NEA2 has been split up into guys and girls and the girls will be going to NED and i'll be going to the grads group. i only started emo-ing last night as i was editing the pics and i realised how much im gna miss my care group. especially the core team- keith, deng, yining and rach. we've been through so much together for the past year. so many ups and downs but these moulded us into stronger people. and these are the people who picked me up when i was in my driest moments.

the gifts i made for the core team.

ZION's last picture.

only in Christ will we have friends forever.
yea.. restructure is for growth and i will miss everyone in zion but im also looking forward to my new group. a group where i can grow and where i can help to grow.

to end off on a lighter note.........